Powerful Vulnerability

The first thought that many of you reading this might have is that the title of this post is a contradiction in terms, but I assure you it's not.  It's taken me many years to realize that vulnerability and power are intrinsically linked and that the power of uncomfortable exposure and honesty can be very significant.  Two years ago I started this blog as a way to educate people about the struggle of having a speech impediment and also to give myself an outlet to talk about my journey of dealing with it.  At that time I really didn't understand how much of an outlet it would give me to not only address my speech, but to take inventory of my life in general.  I have never been a person to keep a journal or any other type of chronicle for my life, but this blog has served as a journal of sorts.  The difference is that because it's public, I felt a certain amount of pressure to make sure that the content was carefully thought out and well-written.  In a sense, that pressure is responsible for the intensity and depth of self-assessment displayed in the content.  The intensity and depth of personal development I delved into has lead me to  a pinnacle of realization that the greatest benefit of this blog has been; realizing the power of vulnerability.  Dr. Brene Brown said in her TED Talk that "Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage" and I agree 

with her.  

Vulnerability vs. Weakness

Many people confuse vulnerability with weakness and I believe they couldn't be more different.  In fact I believe it takes a tremendous amount of strength to be vulnerable.  It's much easier to suppress, cover up and ignore your problems than to face them head on.  Facing your problems at the very least involves an external acknowledgment which then creates a measure of accountability to resolve that issue.  This is to essence of vulnerability to me, exposing your flaws or problems and allowing others to hold you accountable to take action.  Exposing a problem and taking action is a powerful thing to do because it gives you control over your life.  Hiding your flaws, problems, and emotions robs a person of their power and puts your issues in the driver's seat of your life.  It is my belief that a great deal of people are comfortable in that situation. People who are comfortable being out of control may not be happy with their circumstances, but may also not be unhappy enough to do the work to change it.  In any case, they will at least they have a great excuse for why they haven't achieved their goals or bothered to set any at all.  I have lived this way for many years and it may feel safe to take an acceptable refuge in your comfort zone for a while, but in the end I felt as if I cheated myself.  Getting vulnerable, taking control and putting your life into action, I have discovered, is the best way to live a life. 

Reconciling the past and Thinking Forward

I started this blog to reconcile issues from my past so that they wouldn't affect my future, even if I didn't fully realize it at the time.  I discovered that the depth of my issues were much more extensive than I initially thought.  By the time I had the idea to create a blog, I had been carrying around 20 years of emotional garbage and desperately needed a place to dump it.  While I have come to the realization that it will take more work and time to completely put the past behind me, I have come to a place of acceptance of the past and excitement about the future.  This blog has served its purpose very well and provided me with a platform to assessment my life and develop some effective strategies to improve the quality of it.  With that in mind I feel that it's time for a new medium and outlet for my new perspective.  It's time to lay this platform to rest in the same place as my past.  Thinking Forward is now my main focus and ensuring that the next 30 years of my life are vastly different from the first 30.  My past experiences will always be in clear rear view sight, but they will remain in their proper place which is in the past and not in my present or future.  Until you hear from me in again....

Think Broad & Think Forward

The Blueprint: A Gift or A Curse

How many of us ever take a step back from life and take a moment of absolute silence to figure out what drives us?  We live a culture of constant stimulation, personal and professional demands, unfulfilling ambitions and mass distractions that prevent us from making this assessment.  The sad fact is that so many of us get so busy living life that we don't allow ourselves the necessary time to do the work to live life to the fullest.  I made a post a while ago about the rules that govern our lives.  This topic is closely related.  Think about it as the rules that dictate how we react to life provide the foundation the blueprint that governs how we live our lives.  Each of has certain expectations of what we think we deserve or should expect from life.  This our blueprint and it is often is conflict with our current circumstance.

Life Condition=BluePrint

In an ideal world our vision for life would always be in alignment with our present circumstances.  Unfortunately, this world and the lives that we live while on it are far from ideal.  The common condition of most people is to live a life far less than what they imagined as children or young adults.  I'm sure we all have had those defining moments when we realized that life would never measure up to what we envisioned as kids.  That was a debilitating moment for me and at that time I had two choices; change my life condition or alter my blueprint.  I did neither and was paralyzed for years to come as a result being unable to create a new vision for my life.  This was the worst position I could have put myself in because I was stuck in emotional and mental suspended animation.  Changing our Life Condition or altering our BluePrint are the two basic choices we all have when facing a shift in our lives.  However, sometimes we can't escape the hand that life has dealt us and our only option is alter the blueprint.  For example, my stutter is just a fact of life and I can't change it.  The only option I have is to change my perspective on it.  My blueprint must change to allow me to be happy, fearless and fulfilled even though I can't speak like everyone else.  This idea can relate to a wide range of issues from money, weight, relationships to health.  Today if your current circumstance is Life Condition≠BluePrint, what will you choose?

Problem or Opportunity

Problems are just a sign and fact of life.  No matter how much money we have, how much we have achieved, how many people love and respect us; no one can escape problems.  The problems of life are what cause the disruption between our life condition and our blueprint.  It's what we do with these problems that can bring these back into balance.  I know from personal experience that the quality of life is directly related to the psychology we use to deal with problems.  The key is to create an extraordinary psychology to give empowering meaning to our problems.  This mindset can turn a problem to an opportunity, which can lead to tremendous growth.  Most people don't want any problems and as a result most likely avoid the ones they do have.  How much growth can be expected from that approach to life? Not much, and that I can also attest to from personal experience.  An empowering psychology gives us control over our lives and makes us the driving force behind our journey in life, as oppose to simply reacting to what life throws our way.  When we have control, our life condition is our hands.  If our life condition can't be changed, then at least we can alter the blueprint to create a mindset which can allow us to transform a negative condition into a positive opportunity.  

Pain is a Fact of Life, Suffering is a Choice

Pain and problems go hand in hand.  Problems can cause immense pain in our lives which is why we avoid them at all cost.  The real problem is that we can ultimately cause ourselves more pain than any problem ever could.  Problems may cause pain, but how we react to them can cause suffering.  There is a distinct difference.  After I graduated in December I had a much more difficult time finding a job than I anticipated and it caused me a lot of frustration, anxiety, self-doubt and feelings of rejection.  What I did to myself was much worse.  Instead of using this experience to create an opportunity for myself or as motivation to be more creative, I made myself suffer.  My mindset was incredibly negative during this time and I felt defeated almost every single day.  This went on for months until I got a call from my dad one day and he told me that my opportunity was coming, but that I had to be prepared for it.  This really helped to change my mindset because up to this point I was only focused on the opportunity and not if I was actually ready for it.  There are many of examples that we see where opportunities mean nothing if the person receiving them wasn't ready.  I decided to stop suffering and start preparing.  Now this wasn't an instantaneous shift, it took time.  As my focus started to change so did my attitude towards life.  I began to focus on personal development instead of self-pity.  As I began to work with a speech therapist again, my attitude towards my stutter started to shift.  I still feared  that dreadful prospect of a phone interview, but being prepared for it sure did make quite a difference in my approach and the outcome.  When we choose to stop suffering, we take control and life feels a lot different when you're in the driver's seat instead of being taken for a ride.

Unreasonable Expectations

Adjusting your blueprint can not only help you adapt to a life condition, your blueprint can also be the foundation for a great vision.  Sometimes it's necessary to alter your blueprint in order to adapt to a condition that can't be changed, but I believe more often the blueprint can be our motivation.  At times it can be a good that our Life Condition≠BluePrint because our situation could use some improvement.  If a person's blueprint tells them that they should be a wealthy entrepreneur while their life condition is stuck in a dead end job, that person has put an UNREASONABLE EXPECTATION on themselves.  Unreasonable because it may not be fair at times to demand certain things of ourselves, but necessary in order to push us to reach our full potential.  I believe having unreasonable expectations is the only way to pull ourselves up from the lowest point in life to becoming dynamic and productive people in this world.  If not for unreasonable expectations, a person would let their place of origin determine their destination.  These expectations may not start our as lofty as they end up and develop incrementally with each success that we experience.  I doubt that Barack Obama or Bill Clinton expected to become presidents when they were young, but they did have the unreasonable expectation of graduating from prestigious universities and becoming lawyers.  When Obama was elected to the Senate I'm sure he didn't imagine that it would lead to the White House, but at some point he had the unreasonable expectation of winning a presidential election.  

Demanding more of ourselves in the only way that we can grow and the more we demand of ourselves the closer we get to realizing our potential. This begins with our blueprint and view of how life should be.  Now this can become a delicate balancing act because we never want to feel inferior because our ultimate blueprint doesn't match our current life condition.  The blueprint should encourage us to work harder, think bigger, expect better while empowering us to adapt to and use those life conditions that we simply can't change as an opportunity to make us stronger.  I challenge you to examine your blueprint. Determine if it matches your life condition, how it's affecting your life and where is it ultimately leading your.